The cons and cons of Griffith University (the "Summit" campus)

Dear Mr. Griffith University Mt. Gravatt,

How is Mr. QUT? I just want to start by saying that I respect your current lifestyle choices, we live in a free world, but it takes guts to come out of the closet in the way that you have. The people that call you QUT's bitch enrages me, it is just such a slap in the face for all that has been achieved in this day and age for people to ostricize you and your beliefs. How are your criminal charges going? Anyway...I will really skip to the point...

Many people have complained they lack what once was theirs but now is (in my opinion) what is rightfully yours, in their souls. They really were not using their souls for much good, much better for you to be munching on them. I will give you a shout out to the much outdated decor you wear so liberally, some people would say "get with the times"...but I love your witty comeback where you often state "shut up", then just raise the parking permit fees.

...gets 'em every time.

But I do feel in order to keep your customers partially happy, perhaps we could work on some things? I know these may seem fairly "new age" concepts, but just try to bear with me.

Ok, perhaps you should put down the Jack Daniels before you read on, we all know how violent you can often get whilst drinking.

Well, as you know we are charged 30 cents for tomato sauce in the cafeteria when purchasing sauce related food related objects. Some people see this as rape, as meat pies without sauce is abhorrent, and the only way around getting sauce and placing it onto said pie is to fork out the 30 cents....Perhaps this violation against your students could be quelled? I dunno...I guess you're practicing up for prison with these actions, but we're still living in a society.

The food is a little stale with or without sauce I guess, so maybe you could build another more fruitful (I mean that literally...do you not believe in selling fruit? Are you trying to repress the word "fruit"? I thought you were more liberal Griffith!)...ahem...a more fruitful cafeteria. Perhaps you could remove a few more car spaces from the parking lot and stick it in there somewhere? I mean it's not as though we'll miss the spaces, what's driving around for another hour looking for a park on top of the hour that we drive around looking for said parking space anyway? I mean we only pay the fair, and not outrageous price of $100 a semester for the delight, no...wait...the privelege of being able to drive around in your place for hours on end.

Anyway I do believe I've said enough. I will fill you in on some more things that are worth a mention in my next letter. I appreciate all that you haven't done for me.

Oh and one last thing, perhaps you could provide a complimentary oxygen tank, some of those mountain climber spikes and a Tibetan Sherpa at the bottom of your hill that we need to climb each day to get up to the summit....It will keep your customers coming back for more if they can successfully survive that climb.

Anyway,
Yours sincerely and truly forever and ever (because you maintain the rights to my soul)
Lachy

p.s. you smell like feet, how about you shower once in a while?