Sizzlers and Murder

Dear Readers,

"huh?" you may say as you stare at the computer screen over your jumbo bucket of buttered popcorn, some of which no doubt fell out of your mouth onto your keyboard, only for you to smudge more of that grease onto said keyboard as you scoop it up in your filth---

ok...remember rule number 125 of your bloggers manual Lachlan...your readers, no matter how disgusting they may be (sitting anonymously behind their computer screens), do not read criticism; THAT is why they dropped out of highschool - to work their way up the Hungry Jack's food chain (or for my overseas readers....*sigh*), criticism. Start over.

Dear Readers,

"huh" you may say as you read the title of this blog. Well, I know Sizzlers (everyone's favourite family restaurant) and Murder (everyone's favourite sin) don't make much of a combination, but let me explain, perhaps in story form.

......Lose yourself in the world of imagination....

wait...before you lose yourself, and before I go into more detail with this, you probably are asking yourself why I would feel the need to write about murder and Sizzlers in such a comical way...Neither of them are particularly funny, and what kinda sicko would write an hilarious blog about either of the two? Well a desperate sicko with my face would...so read on...

....imagination world blah blah blah....

So it was Monday night, and I was eating dinner at Sizzlers with my guy's group that meets every Monday night, this time at Sizzlers, on a Monday night, and my mate told me a story (sounds exciting huh). He is working on a group assignment and he had one of the guys ring up to tell him he couldn't be in the group anymore...I believe the conversation went something like this that Monday night:

"Hey mate, just calling to say I can't be part of the group assignment anymore sorry..."

"Oh that sucks, why's that?"

"I just got arrested for murder and am now going to jail."

"oh...ok...thanks for your call"

Well...this little story had me laugh, question, pull a face, tell it to several other people, laugh more as I told it and question some more my own insanity over the matter.

It's not really that funny, but it was such an interesting excuse for not attending group work or a group assignment...And it made me look around the group of guys and think, "wow, this is just a normal guy that happened to beat some unsuspecting guy to death...Any ONE of us could do that!" and as I looked around the table I thought, the odds are I would be the one to inflict the next fatal beating on someone...

I don't like those odds...nor do I like my chances of being capable of sharpening a toothbrush into a shiv and fighting for my life in prison (and other things, but I'm trying to keep these blogs PG at the very most!)....Hey, perhaps I could even meet my mate Bubba who frequents this blog (you think he'd do something a little better with his prison monitored internet downloads).

Ok, perhaps I'm not capable of murder, but am I capable of using that as a way of getting out of a group assessment? Perhaps not that either, but I have often thought that I COULD go so far as to murder someone to get out of the idiotic groups Griffith can/have aligned me with.

So where does that leave me? With a COLD Sizzlers dinner. That's right people, my pork ribs AND my chips came out cold, and they began to enter my stomach cold. So I gulped down the ribs and decided that cold chips weren't good enough... Only problem was that every time our waiter came around to ask how our food was I had cold pork rib in my mouth so I wasn't able to verbally abuse our waiter, demean them in front of the entire restaurant, then place some rather unrealistic demands on them like "HOT CHIPS NOW OR YOUR LIFE! 5, 4, 3...."

So eventually I finished my ribs, as cold as they were I didn't complain (or get a chance to...except the one time where I said the waiters name and she turned her back on me and walked away...waitress 2, Lachlan nil). It wasn't until they were completely digesting that I asked for some more chips, as politely as I could without wanting to sound like a bum...Waitress' reply "It's pretty unusual for someone to order chips at the END of their meal" *insert eyebrow raised like a complete...........ly old waitress face here*.

Well I could've drowned the woman in the drink refills, but alas I just laughed and apologised.

Waitress 10 - Lachlan nil....

In conclusion...I didn't even eat all the hot chips she finally came back out with....I did "accidently" drop some on the floor on my way out though...

Waitress 10 - Lachlan 1000000!!!! and we have a winner! I bet she'll think twice before messing with ME again.

Now that you've read my blog, why don't you read what the critics have to say about my blog:

Alex: Wow man, your blog peaked at the first one, give up.

Shari: I believe you should make more racial taunts, that'll be funnier.

Jeremy: You owe me 10 dollars.

Sally: You owe me 3 months of my life.

Feel free to not add your own criticisms.