Good luck and not me.

I'm the unluckiest guy in the world. Really.... No lie. Un-luck finds me wherever I go... The other day I find a parking spot in the city without a single sign, no parking meters for hundreds of metres and cars all parked along this spot with nothing to show for them, no tickets, no permits, nothing...score, no?.... NO ..... 75 dollar fine. Big no...

I walk over to a pokies machine...I start vibing good vibes, I warm my hands on those good vibes... My hair gets slightly more bleached from those good vibes... I sit down at the pokies machine next to it.... I lose $10, my mate who has since sat down at my good vibe, hair bleaching pokie machine wins $30...hmmm...

Walking through the walkway from my front yard to my doorway I always throw my hand out at where spiders like to weave their webs at night because I can't see them...sick little bastards right? The one day I have my hands full and can't wave them about in the darkness like a mad man is the one day I cop web and one of those little bastard spiders in the face....brilliant.

I'm unlucky in love, I'm unlucky in Uni, I'm unlucky in life...

Now this is beginning to sound like one of those self obsessed little blogs that self obsessed little people write to nourish their pessimistic narcissism...But this is different, not sure how...but if I keep writing maybe I can convince you, along with myself that this really is different.

I guess the only luck I have going for me is finding parks... I'm talking about car spaces within public car parks, not counsel parks, those places full of benches and trees and swing sets... What good would that luck be!? That wouldn't be luck. That'd be like finding out you had just gained a superpower, only that the power was the ability to be able to see smells... Just because you can see a fart doesn't mean you can avoid it in a crowded elevator...It'd be like seeing the shark coming for you just before it suffocated you with it's fart in a crowded elevator, which you could also see...both the fart AND the elevator that is.... What I mean is that wherever I go, I find car spots that no one else would usually find or get... I don't have to follow people as they walk back to their cars like I'm a vulture following a wounded gazelle hobbling through the African Savannah back to their Mazda 3. I just find them... Sometimes it is a desert out their for car spaces and you see what you think is water/a car space only to find out it's a Mirage...literally, because those cars are small and you often don't see them until you're right up on them because they're parked next to that sand dune that is a big 4-wheel-drive (pun/s intended). Ok so enough analogies... And enough about my goodluck, because really, if I'm being honest, it's really not luck that's too brilliant...In fact I must have used up all my good luck on finding car spots.

So what can you and I do about this....Welllllllllllllll.... If you have a birthday coming up here's what I need you to do...

1. Tell me.

2. I pay you an installment.

3. You make a birthday wish when you blow out the candles on that birthday cake of yours... But the birthday wish is for ME.

4. You don't tell me what wish you made, otherwise it won't come true...but you make it a significant wish for me.

5. You live and breathe everything about my life, how I'm going, what I'm up to, whether or not the wish has come true. You follow me, you watch me from a distance through a telephoto lens, You often take things of mine from my clothes-line when I'm not looking or not home and you build a shrine dedicated to me in your own backyard. You may or may not smell these items, that is your business and to be honest your business seems a little sick and I personally am offended by it.... Cut it out.... Seriously, cut it out or the police will become involved... Nevertheless....

6. When you have done all this for a small-medium period of time you notice whether or not the wish came true.

7. You tell me what the wish was, how it came about coming true and all the sick little perverted things you had to do to find out whether or not it did come true.

8. Budda-bing-budda-boom, I pay you more if it's a good wish and I've gotten a good benefit from it.

So there's my scheme... Not brilliant...But YOU come up with a better idea... Geez...always on my back about things aren't you.

B-logger out.*

*I am not a b-grade logger... I am a blogger that attempts slang but fails miserably... I have no interest in cutting down that oak tree in your backyard that happens to be overhanging on counsel property.